What happened to April?

Hello Friends. I just looked at the calendar and realized that today is May 1^st. Brain freeze; What the heck happened to April??

Well, for me, it has been a total shitshow. At the end of March, I went on a brief trip that turned out to be a nightmare. The short version is that I had multiple travel complications, ran into airline issues, got stuck, and it took me 2 entire extra days to get home. After I finally made it home, I was so worn down I ended up sick for a week. Not really a surprise. Once I recovered enough to move into overdrive, I frantically tried to unbury myself from the work that had piled up. By then it was time for my week-long guests to arrive, and for my kiddo’s soccer season to begin, and for everyone’s allergies to kick in. Oh, and then I got sick again. Yep, this time, in the middle of the visit with guests I was literally bedridden. 12 days later, 2 trips to the urgent care, and a dose of antibiotics I have finally stopped hacking enough to realize that my life has fallen apart around me. My house is dirty, work has backed up, I haven’t posted anything on my social, I have missed an important deadline, and I even seemed to have accidentally deleted that really stellar blog that was in process. To say the least; I’m not feeling it.

So, what’s the point of sharing all of this with you?

I’m not feeling inspired and I’ve lost my motivation. I’m so buried in things that need sorting out I don’t even know where to begin. I’m exhausted and have a bad attitude. Does this sound familiar?? I know it does…because we all experience this at times. That’s why I am sharing this crappy story with you.

Sometimes, everything just seems to go wrong. And it doesn’t seem to be anything that we have done, things just have a tendency to randomly spin out of control. This happens to all of us. It’s frustrating, overwhelming, and exhausting. Demoralizing even. For those of us who struggle with depression and anxiety, these types of setbacks can also be triggers for dangerous feelings of hopelessness and deep despair. When life erratically succumbs to anarchy, it’s really hard to make sense of it all.

A bit of a science geek, I like to imagine these cycles as Entropy, the 2^nd law of thermodynamics, which states that systems have a natural tendency to break down into chaos. My bestie, though, believes that it is Mercury in retrograde, or some other planetary influence. Astrology, physics, whatever…however you explain the weird, inexplicable cycles of utter crappiness that occur in your life, just try to ride it out the best you can. It’s a phase. It passes. It always inevitably passes.

I’m just writing to remind you that when these extra difficult times arise…give yourself some grace. That’s all. We all need some self-directed kindness at times. We all have our bad days, our bad weeks. Our bad months. Sometimes its longer. If you can, try to remember that it won’t last; it’s just one of those chaotic cycles. Simply, do what you can. As soon as you are able, take the small steps to get back on your path, whatever that is for you. Try not to let the setbacks take root, just try to get back into the game.

So, for me, April was a bust and I’m doing my best to just get back in the game. I’m starting with making a list of all of the things that I need to tend to. I decided to begin with my blog which is long overdue. Painfully aware that this will not be my most inspired, brilliantly written blog, I have decided to just give myself some grace. It’s just going to have to be a good enough blog this month. I’m decidedly making the move back onto the highway; easing into the slow lane. Trying my best to embrace May as a new month full of possibilities…and hopefully, less trips to the urgent care.

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